Category Archives: Friendships

Something Borrowed: Movie Review

On Sunday night I went to see Something Borrowed, with several of my girlfriends.  I read the book, by Emily Giffin, several years ago at the urging of Miss Rose, Miss PoliSci, and Miss H.  If you haven’t read the book or watched the movie yet, BEWARE OF SPOILERS ahead.

A summary from Goodreads:

“Rachel White is the consummate good girl. A hard-working attorney at a large Manhattan law firm and a diligent maid of honor to her charmed best friend Darcy, Rachel has always played by all the rules. Since grade school, she has watched Darcy shine, quietly accepting the sidekick role in their lopsided friendship. But that suddenly changes the night of her thirtieth birthday when Rachel finally confesses her feelings to Darcy’s fiance, and is both horrified and thrilled to discover that he feels the same way. As the wedding date draws near, events spiral out of control, and Rachel knows she must make a choice between her heart and conscience. In so doing, she discovers that the lines between right and wrong can be blurry, endings aren’t always neat, and sometimes you have to risk everything to be true to yourself.”

I enjoyed the film, and really enjoyed seeing it with some of my fave ladies.  I thought it was pretty accurate to the book and well-cast.  (John Krasinski is not surprisingly hilarious and Ginnifer Goodwin is adorable, as usual. I’m not entirely sold on Kate Hudson as Darcy but we’ll see how that pans out in the follow-up film — if they make it, Something Blue.) But something about it completely rubbed me the wrong way. I remember feeling similarly about the book.

I want a house in the Hamptons for the summer.

As you can gather from the summary above, Rachel (GG) starts having an affair with Dex (the delicious Colin Egglesfield) who is engaged to her lifelong bestie Darcy (KH).  The way the book is written and the way the story is told in the movie seems to urge the reader/viewer to pull for Rachel to win the heart of Dex, to the detriment of her best friend.  As someone who adores her friends and values all of their friendships, there is something about it that feels so wrong.  The movie does not play up Rachel’s moral dilemma as much as the book does (it would be hard to do), but still, Rachel ultimately chooses her own happiness at the expense of the person she has loved the most.  It really gets under my skin.  I cannot imagine doing that to a friend, or even worse, what it would feel like for a friend to do it to me.

On the flip side, Rachel is so easy to relate to — nice, smart, rule-following good girl who has always felt like she lived in Darcy’s shadow.  You want her, the unlikely victor, to get the super hot wonderful guy that Darcy seemingly does not deserve or appreciate.  Every girl has had a friend who is personified by Darcy’s character,  a self-centered frenemy to whom life just comes easier.  Some small, slightly evil part of me, does not feel badly for Darcy when she finds out about Rachel and Dex.  And then I feel insanely guilty about thinking even for a second that any woman deserves to be treated that way by another woman, especially one she loved enough to call maid-of-honor.

In the movie, things wrap up really nicely for Rachel and Dex.  Sure, Rachel loses Darcy but it doesn’t seem to bother her all that much because she got the guy.  (Don’t even get me started on the message that sends.)  I know it is unrealistic because it’s a movie, but come on, this is really unrealistic.  Cheating and calling off weddings and ending friendships is so messy, but it really isn’t portrayed that way.  I feel like in a way the movie and book glorify cheating or at the very least, offer the justification that it’s okay to steal someone else’s fiancé if you loved them first (but never bothered to stick up for yourself about it when you had the chance…).

I guess the heart of it for me is that I don’t believe that it is okay to really intentionally hurt someone just because you will get what you want.  For me the lines aren’t blurry. It seems really, really black and white. I can’t wrap my head around a scenario in which I would be able to justify behaving like Rachel (or Dex).  According to the movie poster, there is a “thin line between love and friendship.”  I hope none of my friends feel that way because I certainly don’t.

Have you seen the movie or read the book? What do you think?

* Click on images for sources.

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Weekly Weigh-In: Week 2

I can’t believe it has been a week since my last post.  I guess I haven’t been feeling very inspired lately. Thanks for hanging with me anyway. This week I worked on eating most of my points for breakfast/lunch/snacks and then having a much lighter dinner.  I think it went really well.  The results of this week’s WW weigh-in:

Weekly Gain/Loss:  – 1.6 pounds

Total Gain/Loss:  – 5.0 pounds

At WW, they like to recognize lots of milestones on the road to your goal weight — 5% of your weight lost, 10% of your weight lost, 16 weeks of membership, and every 5 pounds you lose.  For me these milestones make up mini-goals to aim for along the way. So today, I hit my first baby goal — 5 pounds down!

My 5 pound star! The picture was much better on my phone. Fail.

The topic at the WW meeting this week was people who support/don’t support your weight loss efforts.  The leader mentioned something about a lot people being closet WWers — i.e. they don’t tell their friends and/or family that they are on WW or trying to make healthy lifestyle changes.  I was in the closet for a really, really long time with my weight loss challenges so this really struck a chord with me.

I’ve been trying to lose weight off and on since I was 16.  I have tried almost everything you can try: WW, Body-for-Life, the Grapefruit Diet, simple calorie counting, weight loss pills, etc.  (For the record, my greatest success came while on WW in 2008 – I lost 25 pounds.)  I used to be really secretive about my attempts to lose weight.  I think there are several reasons for this including that when I was young I didn’t want anyone to know that I truly struggled with food.  As a 16/17-year-old athlete, you would like to think that worrying about what you were eating wouldn’t be a huge issue, but for me it was.  (Ah, what I wouldn’t give to go back to that 145-pound svelte volleyball player/cheerleader…) I felt embarrassed and I felt like if I admitted that I was trying to lose weight then I was also admitting that I was fat.

As I got older, pride started coming into play in a way as well.  I thought that if I pretended my size didn’t bother me and that if I didn’t act like I thought I looked bad, then no one else would be bothered or think that I looked overweight.  For a while, this seemed to work.  In the few times I did tell people how much I weighed they always seemed surprised and I prided myself on carrying my weight well.

But eventually, as I got bigger and bigger, these coping and defense mechanisms stopped working for me.  And somehow (although I honestly can’t recall how), I ended up here,  putting my weight loss struggle out there for the whole internet to see.  The funny thing is, it isn’t really the whole world who is aware of it because of this blog. It’s my friends.  It is the people who I hold the closest to my heart that I have hidden my struggle from for so long who now know how hard it is for me sometimes.

The beautiful part is that by telling people how much being overweight sucks and how much I want to feel better physically and emotionally, I gave my friends the opportunity to show me love and support.  By sharing some of my most secret feelings, I have deepened my relationships and learned to appreciate how much the people who love me actually love me.  My family has always supported my weight loss efforts but now I have an even broader network of people who are willing to openly celebrate my successes and share in my struggles and split a salad with me after spin class.  I think that some/most of my friends have probably known for a long time that I was unhappy with my weight on some level, but now we can talk about it.  Now, they can help me in ways that I wasn’t open to before because I didn’t want to talk about it.  Being closed-off about my weight shut out my potentially biggest support base.

If I could go back maybe I would have shared more sooner, but maybe I wouldn’t have.  It took me ten years to get to this place and as difficult as it has been, it was also an important part of my process.  So today, I want to thank my friends for their continued love, support and encouragement.  You guys rock my world every day.

Is it difficult for you to open up to people about your weight struggles?  Who do you turn to for support?

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The Company You Keep

I read this article today, and while I thought most of it was less-than-insightful, the author did say one thing that really stood out to me:

“After all, you are the company you keep, but shouldn’t the company you keep help advance the you that you are?”

I feel like I’ve had several conversations with different people over the last few months regarding “friends” who behave badly, so badly, in fact, that there is discussion of cutting them out completely.  It’s serious, I know.  And if we are the company we keep, who wants to keep company that is rude, discourteous, thoughtless, selfish, etc.?  But really the crux of these conversations, which have all been based on very different circumstances, seems to be, what does this “friend” bring to my life?

I know what you’re thinking — friendship is a two-way street, it’s not all about what your friends can do for you, etc. — but hear me out.  I strive to be a good friend, to be thoughtful and supportive and conscientious and helpful and loving and fun.  I think these are important qualities to have in a close friendship.  But at some point, you can get to a place where it feels like you are the only one who is giving.  Come on, we’ve all been friends with a “taker” before.  You know, those people who only call when they need something or want to talk about themselves or only want to attend the social events they plan or worse, won’t commit to plans with you because it is pretty obvious that they are waiting for a better offer.

Sometimes it takes a really long time for you to identify a “taker” as such but once you do, you see it in everything they say and do.  And then you think, when was the last time this person just called to see what was going on in MY life? Or said something nice or supportive to me? Or encouraged me to accomplish a goal? Or supported me when I failed? That’s what friends do, right?

I know I’ve shared this sentiment with some of you before but I’ll say it again here — I want to be friends with people who make me a better person, who challenge me to be the very best version of myself.  When you’re friends with people who challenge you in a good way, things still don’t always come up rainbows and unicorns, but at least they want what is best for you.  And hopefully you want what is best for them.  We use our gifts to advance each other to bigger and better and brighter things.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”  Proverbs 27:17

And the people who don’t do that for you? Well, you don’t have to stop being friends with them, but you don’t have to prioritize them either.  I’ve found that the older I get the more difficult it is to have genuine quality time with the important people in your life.  Everyone is busy and stressed out and overworked.  So when I have time to spend with others, I want to spend it with the people who give me new ideas and warm fuzzies and encouragement and the hard truth when I need it.  As for everyone else, well, we can still be friends, but it just won’t be in the same way.

Who sharpens you?  Have you ever been friends with a “taker?” How did you deal with it?

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Do you do you?

I feel like “doing me” has been my mantra of late.  (I also feel obligated to give credit where credit is due — I stole the phrase from Ronnie on Jersey Shore.  However, his version of doing himself revolves around fist-pumping, hair gel, and triple kisses.  I’d like to think my interpretation is slightly more evolved…)  I have found myself trying to explain that in 2010, I’ve just been trying to “do me” and not worry about the rest.  Here’s what I mean:

The Boys of the Shore -- You know you watch too!

So much of my young life was/is devoted gaining the approval of the people around me and once that goal was achieved I had to maintain it.  I’m not saying I was a follower or that I built my self-esteem based on how I was perceived by others.  What I am saying is that we all want to be well-liked and have friends.  Part of this process often involves doing things we don’t always want to do, not as a result of peer pressure, but in my opinion and in my case for that matter, as a result of fear of missing out.  Sometimes when I felt tired, sick or broke, I’d still slap on some lip gloss and go out with my friends because I was afraid if I didn’t I would miss something great.

I also spent a lot of time being a pleaser — going the places other people wanted to go and doing the things they wanted to do, partially because it didn’t matter to me one way or the other and partially because of my desire to be well-liked and perceived as laid back (which really, let’s be honest, I’m not).  As a result of this, I started noticing that I didn’t have anything to say about myself or my life.  I had plenty to say about what was going on with the people around me, but nothing to say about my world.

And I was tired.  Of everything.  I was tired of what felt like living everyone else’s life.  None of the drama in my life has anything to do with me — it belongs to other people but somehow gets adopted as my own just because it’s there.  And I was going to everyone else’s birthday parties and baby showers and weddings and various and sundry other events.  I was busy.  My social schedule was rarely blank.  But it didn’t feel like any of it was for me.  And I don’t me that the celebrations and events weren’t for me, but that I wasn’t doing these activities for myself, for my personal enjoyment or fulfillment, but that I was doing them because other people asked me to.

That’s not to say that I’m going to stop going to those events or that I don’t love the people who they are for, but I realized that I needed to take back my own world.  Slowly but surely over the last several months, I have stopped agreeing to do the things I didn’t feel like doing.  It seems really simple but we have all said yes to something (or many things) that we didn’t necessarily feel up to doing just because we didn’t have a good reason to say no.  Well, I’ve decided that “I don’t really feel like it” or “I don’t care to do that today” or “I’d rather spend my money on baklava at Greek Fest are perfectly good reasons not to do something.  And when I say I don’t feel like it, it is almost never because I don’t like the person who asked or don’t want to be around them specifically.  It’s just because I want to do what feels the best for my self.  It isn’t personal at all really.

I’ve spent a lot of time at home this year.  I’ve actually been doing better with my budget.  I’ve read 25 books so far.  I’ve joined a lifegroup and started volunteering with them once a month.  I have gotten involved with my sorority’s alumnae chapter and with an advisory board for the local chapter.  These are things that have been important and worthwhile and enjoyable for me.  And sometimes as a result of them I say no to a happy hour or an evening on the town or even a float trip or concert, but the things I’m choosing to do make me happy.  They make me feel more whole.  And they are MINE.

And to top it off, my friends still love me and they know that I love them.  Sometimes saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself.

How do you “do you?”  Do you feel like you sacrifice some of your self to please others?  Are you afraid saying no will cause you to miss out on something?

*Click on photos for sources.

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Catching up. Causing grief.

I loathe the phrase (or variations of) “we need to catch up soon!”  It irritates me to no end.  Seriously, Mrs. B and I once got into an actual argument about it — for the record, this argument was 100% my fault and the result of me being totally pissy pants.  I used to think it bothered me when people said this because I felt like if you need to say “let’s catch up” then we aren’t that close.  If we were really good friends, we would talk often enough for you to know what is going on in my life without having to schedule a phone date to “catch up.”  (Note: I am in no way knocking phone dates.  I think they are at times vital to long distance friendships and to not-so-long-distance ones when a phone tag issue arises.)

Here’s the truth.  I hate it when people say “let’s catch up” or “what’s new with you” because I don’t have anything to say.  And it makes me feel bad.  So I talk about other people’s lives — my sister’s pregnant, my roommates did this or that, so and so got married, blah, blah, blah.  But really, none of that is about ME.  Sure, some of those things impact my life but I find that I have less and less to say about my self and what I’ve been up to every day. And it totally scares me.

My parents were giving me a hard time recently about my regimented lifestyle and it sort of upset me, but really, they’re right.  Every week I go to church, bible study, kickball and/or trivia night, lose and gain the same 3-5 pounds, go to work, and workout semi-consistently.  That’s it.  Nothing else happens.  I have nothing else to talk about that is truly mine.  I can talk about my friends new jobs or break ups or dates or vacations, but I don’t actually have any of those of my own.

It makes me feel like my life isn’t going anywhere.  But then I type that sentence and I see how ridiculous it looks/sounds.  I do not have a dead-end job.  I am not “too old” to change anything and everything about my life if I want to.  Really, I’m at the tip of the iceberg when it comes to exciting things that will (hopefully) happen in my life.  But when someone asks what’s new with me, I immediately feel stagnant.  It makes me wonder how other people respond to that question…

Do they talk about the new person they’re seeing? Or their new car? Or some promotion they just got at work? Does the response have to be something big and exciting? Or can “what’s new with me” include the book I just finished reading and the new drapes I bought for my living room? Because those are the things I have to talk about.  Sure, I can talk about work, but I honestly don’t think that my non-attorney friends want to hear about it and I don’t want to sound pretentious or pompous or any of those other snarky adjectives commonly associated with my profession.

I think I probably read way too much into it when people suggest we catch up.  They aren’t looking for me to tell them about all these grand, exciting things happening in my life.  They just want to know how things are going, if I’ve seen any new movies, what events (big or small) are important in my life right now.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  And I need to stop being such a freak about it.  And adding excessive pressure to myself.  And thinking that my life is so miserable because I don’t get to tell my friends about my flavor-of-the-week every time they call.  It’s okay to just talk about Mel Gibson (even though every major media outlet in the world has already talked him to death, in two days) and the new bike gear I want to buy and how obsessed I am with the Pioneer Woman.  None of it is that exciting or new or worthy of celebration, but it’s my life.  And it’s a good one.  And I should be grateful and proud of that.

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The Bermuda Triangle: The Pitfalls of Three-Way Friendships

First of all, get your mind out of the gutter!  I’m not talking about menage-a-trois scenarios.  I’m talking about a group of friends that involves three people.  Some famous trios if you will:

Monica, Rachel & Phoebe - Friends

Brenda, Kelly & Donna - Beverly Hills, 90210 (The Original, duh)

Cristina, Meredith, & Izzie - Grey's Anatomy

I have been in my fair share of trifecta friendships.  In fact, I’d argue that I have been in more than most.  I’m not sure if I have some naturally affinity towards trios or if things have naturally fallen into place that way.  However, I am sure of the fact that successfully functioning in a triangular relationship is a daily battle. Here’s why:

1.)  One Friend is always the one that brought the group together.

Me, Mrs. B, & Mrs. K2 at Mrs. B's Wedding on NYE 2008

I would say that in almost all trios there is one person that brought the group together.  I call this person the Common Denominator.  In the B-K-Me trifecta, Mrs. K2 was my little in ye ole sorority so we were very good friends.  Mrs. K2 was also very good friends with Mrs. B from high school.  (I also knew Mrs. B from high school but she thought I was mean… Don’t hold it against her, common misconception.)  One glorious summer, the three of us trekked to the Texas Hill Country to be camp counselors together.  And our trio was born.

There was however an incident.  It was rather intense.  Mrs. B and I had LOADS in common and happened to have the same free periods in our teaching schedules so we spent A LOT of spare time together at camp.  Mrs. K2 had different free periods.  (Can you see where this is going yet?)  There was an altercation. It was not pretty. I will spare you the gory tear-filled details.  The ultimate issue was — Mrs. K2 introduced Mrs. B and I and she felt that Mrs. B was her friend and I was her friend and at the time that she was being pushed out.  Which sort of leads me to the next issue…

2.)  One friend always feels left out.

Miss PoliSci, Miss H, & Me Circa August 2009

Feeling left out seems to be a common problem among groups of friends of any size.  But let me tell you, when there are only 3 of you, it is worse.  Much, much worse.  If for whatever reason, friends 1 and 2 are doing something without friend 3, you can guarantee that 3 is chock full of anxiety about what she’s missing and what they’re saying about her when she isn’t there.  (Get real, we all do it and don’t even try to lie about it.  Venting is a normal part of friendship and as long as no truly hateful things are said or felt, no harm, no foul, IMO.)

Imagine, if you can, the true difficulties of LIVING in a trio.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore Miss PoliSci and Miss H, but I am also confident that they would both tell you that there are times when trying to function in a trio is crazy hard, especially when it comes to including everyone all the time.  Perfect example — making plans.  Say Miss H and Miss PoliSci talk about going to see a movie but haven’t asked me about it yet.  As soon as it comes up in my presence I am bound to pop off something snarky about not yet having been asked.   And it isn’t just me.  I think there are times when they’ve also felt left out of the plan making process or some event or night out or whatever.  There are times when we can’t all be together and that’s okay, but that can also produce some feelings of exclusion and resentment.

3.)  It is almost inevitable that one or more friends feels closer to one member of the trio than the other.

Mrs. V, Mrs. Preppy, & Me at Law School Graduation May 2008

In law school, my closest friends were Mrs. Preppy and Mrs. V.  Mrs. Preppy and I were friends from about the third day of class (She told me she liked my skirt and asked if I wanted to car pool to happy hour. It was love.)  We became friends with Mrs. V later.  But there were times when I felt closer to Mrs. Preppy because of our mutual singleness on-and-off in law school and there were times when I felt closer to Mrs. V because of our generally dark and twisty propensities and the fact that we had every class together 2L year.  I am sure they felt closer to each other in the summer time because I always found a reason to not live in Norman.

I think feeling closer to one friend is probably natural and common but there were times when it made me feel uncomfortable/guilty/lonely/left out/irritable.  It played into the other issues related to the Bermuda triangle.  Maybe the reason I felt closer to one than the other sometimes had something to do with what wave length we were all on and how different we all really are.  I still feel this way in some of my other trifecta friendships.

4.)  If there is a falling out between two friends, the third friend is completely stuck in the middle.

Me, Miss PoliSci, & Miss Rose tailgatin' in 2008

I have been friends with Miss PoliSci and Miss Rose since 1995.  Literally.  We’ve been through varying stages of our relationships and our lives together.  Needless to say, when you’ve been friends for that long, fights happen. Big ones.  In 2008, I started the granddaddy (it was ugly) of them all with Miss Rose and poor Miss PoliSci was stranded in the middle.  To make matters worse, I was preparing to move in with Miss PoliSci and Miss H.  Miss Rose and I weren’t speaking.  It was uncomfortable on ten different levels for everyone.  And Miss PoliSci had to endure tirades and tears from both sides while maintaining her neutrality.  Fortunately, Miss Rose, being the fiercely loyal friend that she is, got me to talk things out, move forward and we are now much better for it.  I have been in the middle of a friend feud before too so I know how torn and frustrated Miss PoliSci must have felt.  Being caught in the middle is a total nightmare.  It is almost impossible not to pick sides and no matter what happens, someone always gets hurt.

Navigating three-person friendships is an emotional mine field.  What have I learned about managing them? Um, well…kind of hard to say. Here are three things that help me:

1) Toughen up — Your friends love you (duh) and would never intentionally exclude you (and if they would they aren’t your friends.)

2) Speak up — Being passive aggressive is lame in general but in a trifecta, you will never survive as Queen of the land of Passive Aggressiva (2 pts for anyone who knows where that expression came from!) .  If your feelings are hurt, tell your friends.  Keeping it inside will only hurt you and making passive aggressive comments makes you look like a total biotch.

3) Lighten up — Try to enjoy the fact that the three of you have so much in common and have such a great time together.  The rest is just crap.  (FYI, I am so not good at this.)

Are you in any triangle friendships?  How do you deal with their intricacies?  Or do they function the same as the rest of your friendships?

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Sex and the City: An essay on female friendship in the new millennium?

“No matter who broke your heart, you’ll never get through it without your friends.” – Carrie Bradshaw

Sex and the City.  It’s epic.  It is a point of reference for endless conversations about men, sex and shoes.  I cannot tell you many times certain episodes are referred to or quoted by my friends.  It seems like everything goes back to SATC, or at least we’d like for it to.

My mom once asked me (after seeing the movie and always scolding me for watching the episodes) what the big deal was, why it was SO popular with the women of my generation.  She wasn’t asking because she thought it was stupid (although I’m certain that she does actually think it’s stupid), but because she really wanted to get it.  I told her that ultimately, the show was a celebration of the enduring love of female friendship.  At the time, I think I just said that to make my obsession seem less ridiculous, but when you really think about it, the ladies of SATC were all about their friends.

In one episode, the girls decide they’re each others soul mates. This gave hope to single girls every where.  I’ll admit I have at one time or another clung to this idea — that my friends are the ones for me and a man is a bonus.  In Sex and the City 2, the movie, they talk about the soul mates thing a lot. Well, I guess they reference it more than discuss it but the point is still there.  Your girls are the family you’ve created for yourself.  They meet all the needs you have that a man just can’t.  (Or at least, I think that was the point.)

I think female friendships have evolved over the years to become more intense and important and lifelong than they were in the days of yore. (At least, discussions with my mom support this idea.)  Because women are marrying older these days (or at least that’s what I hear — don’t worry, people are still getting married at 19 here in the bible belt), they devote a lot more time to their female friendships in their 20s and early 30s than they might have had they been married and procreating during that time.*  More time spent being single means more dating, more heartache, and more soul-searching over cosmos or whatever the kids are drinking these days with your girlfriends.  And when your married friends are all paired off for couple-y activities on New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, etc., your single girlfriends are there to convince you to try on your skinny jeans, wash your hair and put on your lipstick for a fun night out.  And if you are really, really lucky, they are also there to peel you off the bathroom floor in the morning and lie to you, err, I mean tell you that you didn’t do anything embarrassing the night before.

SATC celebrates young, single, sparkly girls every where.  The ones who are still trying to figure it out and who use their girlfriends as their sounding board/lifeline/emergency contact.  It was okay to not always have a man because you had your friends.  (Until the end of the series when they all had a man, but that’s kind of missing the point…)  The girls were there for the hard stuff — broken engagements, divorce, cancer, family passing away, etc. — and all the good stuff in between — marriages, babies (seriously, how can you not love Brady Brady?!), career successes, and new homes.  I always felt like no matter what happened, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha came together and loved each other.  Sometimes in real life friendships don’t work out that way, but a girl can dream.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I’m pretty sure I’m Miranda.  Partially because she’s an attorney, but also because she says things like:

“Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.”

“How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It’s like seventh grade with bank accounts.”

“I don’t have enough time to tell you what’s wrong with corduroy.”

Also, she has a pretty dry sense of humor, she’s pretty neurotic, and she once at a cake out of the trash can. . . . =)

Do you think Sex and the City has a message?  Or am I reading way too much into it?  Which SATC lady are you most like? (And, I hate to break this to you, but we are not all Carrie, as much as we’d like to be!)

* Please note: I realize these are all gross generalizations.  Not all women have my experience.  And lots of women who marry young still devote a significant portion of their lives to their female friends.  I commend them for their efforts.  Young married ladies, if you still see us on the regular, your single friends will think you are super woman.

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