I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say here regarding the New Year. There are so many things I could write about — where I’m going, where I’ve been, what I want to work on… I honestly feel overwhelmed by the new year, but not necessarily in a bad way. I love January, for odd reasons — it is socially the slowest month of the year for me. I blame the dry, frigid air and holiday exhaustion for keeping us all pretty out of it for the month. And I revel in it. December was honestly one of the craziest holiday seasons I’ve ever had in my life and it was fantastic. But it was borderline too much. I am thoroughly looking forward to a quiet month of exercise and new recipes and rest.
For the past week or so, I’ve thought about my 2011 Goals. (In my family, we make goals instead of resolutions because they are more concrete. Goals are made to be met; resolutions are made to be broken.) As mentioned ad nauseam here, I spent a lot of time in 2011 taking care of myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually. I feel like the thing I’ve been neglecting, and quite frankly abusing, is taking care of myself physically. I boldly declared in a reverb10 post that I wanted my one word for 2011 to be Healthy. I suppose it is time to put my money where my mouth is. So for 2011 most of my goals are health-related in the form of physical challenges. Notably participating in the following:
– Oklahoma City Memorial Half-Marathon 5/1/2011
– Oklahoma Freewheel Bike Ride 6/12-18/2011
– MS 150 Bike Ride 9/17-18/2011
– Route 66 Half-Marathon 11/20/11 (Goal: Complete in under 3 hours)
Another health related goal is to weigh-in at Weight Watchers. Every week. No matter what. I am in the incredibly pathetic habit of skipping weigh-ins and/or meetings on weeks when I know I have gained weight. It is lame and completely counterproductive. There are several other health-related things I am trying to incorporate as well, including drinking green tea, participating in Meatless Monday, adding new health related topics to this blog, and watching less TV, but I don’t see them as formal “goals.”
My other goals include: Learning calligraphy, making a fabric-covered headboard, blogging three times per week, meeting with a financial planner, having a physical, reading the entire Bible and serving at church.
I can honestly say that right now, I’m scared of 2011. I’m scared that I have put it out there that this is the year I will reclaim my physical health. It seems so big and overwhelming. I don’t want to report back on my failure (although I am well-aware that there will be plenty of highs and lows on this path to physical domination), but I am afraid that I will fall off track, like I have done a million other times in the past 8 years. I don’t want to be the person who starts blogging about losing weight in January and by mid-February stops blogging completely out of embarrassment.
I think ultimately overcoming the fear will be what leads to my success. In years past, I have avoided telling people when I’m trying to lose weight because I didn’t want them to judge every bite I took and I didn’t want them to notice when I fell off the wagon for weeks or months at a time. I realize it is completely irrational to think anyone really cares what I do or don’t eat, but you know it’s annoying when someone goes on and on and on about their diet/exercise plans and then scarfs down a post-bar double cheeseburger like it doesn’t count because it’s after 2am. Confronting my fear and shame seems really necessary in order for me to truly own who I am and who I want to become and what I will go through in the process. Maybe someday I will post my starting pictures and weight and measurements, but I’m not quite brave enough for that yet. For now, I will just share that I am ready do the damn thing.
PS – For those dear readers who are less than thrilled about my blog taking on a Health/Weight Loss slant, fear not, I will still drone on regularly about the injustices of life in general as WASP. Just kidding about the WASP part. Sort of.