My 26th Year in Preview: The Plans, The Hopes, The Dreams

The Plans

1) Suck it up. I have been living with a sort of woe-is-me attitude about a lot of things in my life and to be perfectly honest, it’s isn’t getting me anywhere. This year I want to do more talk/whine less.

Me at my 26th Birthday Party. It was Olympic themed. I was sort of Shaun White.

2) Read. I want to read 50 books this year. I know that sounds ambitious, but I think I can do it. Plus, it helps me watch less TV, which is always a good thing. (You can see what I’ve been reading lately here)

3) Run. For me, running seems key to losing weight. Plus, I’ve already signed up to run the OKC Half-Marathon in April and plan to run the Route 66 Half-Marathon again in November. Running is good for me because it gives me something to work towards. I need goals — the kind that I can put on a list and then check off as I accomplish them.

4) Pray. I have recently started attending church regularly for the first time since I moved back to Tulsa. I can honestly say that when I am diligent in prayer I have so much more peace in my life. And peace was another thing I pledged to work on in 2010. (For the record, I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job with that so far…)

The Hopes

1) Lose weight. I know that I can fulfill my running plans. I will get up and go run the races I sign up for, even if I haven’t trained as diligently as I should have. But actually putting in the full-fledged effort to lose the weight, well that is a whole other story. I know that I need to commit myself in order to accomplish this, which means it should probably be under “The Plans” instead of “The Hopes” but after trying and failing on innumerable occasions, it’s hard to get up the guts to re-declare this goal. I hope that this will be the time it works, it really sticks, I really get there. And if I don’t, well, I will know that I tried and that is all I can hope to do, right?

2) Happy. I would say that I struggled to be happy in year 25. I wouldn’t say that I was depressed or miserable. Nothing was truly bad (thank goodness) but I just felt blah. About pretty much everything. I don’t want to be blah. I want to be happy. I think as a society/culture we get wrapped up/bogged down in all of the things that aren’t going our way, that make us unhappy, that generally bring us down. But happy doesn’t mean changing everything in my life or getting a different job or finding a man or losing weight. Happy is being satisfied in what I have — physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, etc. Happy is a perspective I hope very much to adopt and apply this year. I don’t need a year filled with major events where the happy comes from the anticipation/adrenaline/excitement. I hope to be happy in a way that is every day, genuine and simple.

The Dreams

1) Love. I would love to say, “This is it, this is the year I’m going to fall in love!” But come on, I think you know me better than that by now. It’s not that I don’t believe in positive thinking, I do, I just don’t believe that I can completely manifest meeting the man of my dreams out of thin air, much less get him to fall hopelessly in love with me. I think that’s up to a much Higher Power than me. Timing is everything and I’m not running this show. However, this year I will continue to dream of love and I pledge to be open to it if it presents itself to me.

As I finish thinking about the things I want/need/hope for in the coming year, I am honestly surprised to see that the only dream I can think of is love. Surely people dream of professional success, financial freedom, job security, home ownership, etc. Why is my only dream love? Somehow love has become that thing that I can’t control and therefore want so badly (plus, it’s everywhere — books, movies, music, television, my friends, etc.). It feels like the heat is on to find it but it also feels like it isn’t something I can go get for myself. I can do the things I need to do to create success in my career and my bank account and my fitness level. I can for the most part control those areas of my life. But I have no control over the love – when it will come, who it will be, whether they will love me. It really is maddening. So I guess it will stay a dream because it isn’t something I can make a to-do list in order to get.

As for the rest of it, I think year 26 will be a good year. Hopefully better than year 25, but if it is equally good, I will be more than content with that.

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